Amy's time with Americorp has come to an end, but she will be staying in Massachusetts. She has recently accepted a position cleaning harbors...or is it with Clean Harbors? We don't have all the details, but we gather she will be given a mask, snorkle, and a toilet brush before being tossed into the water to begin scrubbing the docks. Hey, whatever makes her happy.
Click on the logo for more info on Clean Harbors:
MTV, the pioneer in "real life television drama" has announced "The Real World: Wellfleet" to air this Fall. Twelve young strangers, from different walks of life, forced to live together in a decrepit, rodent infested house. Tune in to watch the drama unfold as vegans war against fishermen. Bear witness to the horror that is the bathroom. There will be laughter, love, tears, and ticks. Lots of ticks.
Also tune in for Amy's new show, "Bugs: Get Used to Them" on Animal Planet. Amy will demonstrate how humans can learn to eat, sleep, bathe, walk, read, cook, drive, work, drink, sing, and hike while remaining in harmony with crickets, ticks, mosquitos, ticks, fleas, ticks, flies, ticks, wasps, ticks, yellowjackets, ticks, and moths.
Agent Bukayow can be seen this Winter starring in the hard-hitting ABC action/drama, "Buzzards Bay Harbor Patrol."
Gosh, it's been awhile. What's Amy been up to?
She was almost part of a mutiny. She probably doesn't want the details posted here, so you'll have to ask her about it.
She was able to enlist the aid of agent "Bukayow" to slip away to Florida for a few days. We'd like to say that she spent the time rescuing Cuban refugees from the turbulent waters of the Atlantic, but she didn't.
Amy's truck became very ill over the winter. It required a very risky procedure known as "full engine transplant." It was a very expensive operation, and Amy agonized over the decision, but in the end she decided to go ahead and have it done. She looked around until she found the best and most affordable truck doctors. Once a suitable doner was found, they successfully performed the transplant. Now, the recovery has been a bit trying for both Amy and the truck and it has had to go back to the doctors for a few adjustments to it's medication. She is keeping her fingers crossed that the truck does not reject the new engine; that is the most dangerous risk after a transplant of this nature.
Most recently, Amy almost fell into a bottomless pit. How did it happen? I think it went something like this:
Associate: "Okay, Amy. You go survey over there, but watch out for the bottomless ditches."Fortunately, Amy was able to pull herself out of the ditch by grabbing a tree root. She also managed to save the GPS equipment and a family of four. True story.
Amy: "Bottomless ditches?"
Associate: "Yeah, they're very slippery and very dangerous so be careful."
(Shot of Amy wandering off on her own, struggling with equipment. Eventually she comes upon a ditch full of muck)
Amy (to herself): "This must be one of those bottomless ditches I was warned about. I'd better make sure my equipment is secure. Let me stand on these slippery leaves at the edge of the ditch while I distract myself by trying to put a cover on this equipment. Hmmm...la dee da....WHOOOOOPS!"
Okay, I made up the family of four, but ask her about the ditch.
Amy was able to slip away for a couple weeks in order to visit her family over the holidays. It was very nice to see her, but Americorp is really serious about that one year commitment thing! So serious, in fact, that they dispactched someone to Michigan to bring her back. Americorp hired a Portuguese mercenary, code named "Bukayow," who came to Lexington to track Amy down and return her to Wellfleet. Shortly after Amy learned of his arrival in Lexington, she fled north to Traverse City. She was not able to evade him for long though, and he caught up with her there on New Year's Eve. Amy's parents caught a glimpse of Amy as she was passing back through the area with Bukayow the next day. While Amy did not appear to be injured, he may have drugged her, because she looked to be very lethargic and slightly queesy.
Sad news to report. Amy is more disturbed than we had previously estimated. The salt content of the air in Wellfleet may have begun to corrode her brain. This past week I received an alarming correspondence from Amy about her plans to disrupt our nation's dairy industry. The poor, deluded girl somehow has come to believe that cows are infiltrating U.S. society with the intention of human destruction. If you don't believe the accuracy of this report, then you will have to believe Amy's own words:
Well, Amy has settled in at her new home. For a couple weeks she had been living on the beach and surviving by stealing lobsters out of traps left by fishermen. However, once the weather started to turn, she realized that she had to find shelter for the winter. She spotted a nice old house that looked really cozy and waited until everyone was out, then she made her move. She snuck into the attic and has been living there for over a week now. In order to keep the other residents out of the attic, she has convinced them that there is a ghost living up there. Every night around 11:00, she stomps her feet, rattles some chains, and when she can she dumps a bucket of blood down the stairs for good measure. When nature requires that she venture downstairs, she does so wearing an old sheet. Apparently, this has caused the other residents to decide that the bathroom is also haunted. Good thinking Amy!
Amy's on the move again. Her never-ending quest to find the one armed man who murdered her husband and framed her has sent her to Cape Cod. She got a tip from a paramedic (who's life she saved) in Chicago that a one armed man has been renting some beach side cabin somewhere on the Cape. Amy is posing as lobster trap saleswoman while she tries to piece together the elusive bits of information she needs to clear her name and bring the true killer to justice. God be with you Amy!
Back to Amy
Back to Simon the Bear